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Thursday, 15 May 2008

in january i committed to writing on this site again, and it would appear i fell behind in that commitment. i had many thoughts over the course of the semester that i wanted to share that now feel like such mute points. it feels like a lifetime ago that i began at bbc, and the journey has been hard. i would dare say it's been the hardest 5 months of my life. there's been more then a few things i pray i never have to go through again, and others that i know are inevitable. in all of it i found things that i'd left behind, some for good and some for ill. i knew the heights of joy for a brief time, and then found depth of sorrow i'd never known. at one point i questioned the necessity of my own life and the virtue of it's continuance. at other points i saw the providence of God in His perfect timing for my struggles. if nothing else, i've come to a fuller understanding that life is a bout contrast; perhaps it is more appropriate to call it balance. one cannot have good without bad, easy without hard, joy without sorrow. some would say that's unfair, and some are not prepared to handle some sorrows. i know that these were my attitudes at first. as i've been rethinking the semester the past week, i've come to a simple conclusion: i am blessed in the sorrow that i've had to endure. i'm completely undeserving of any good thing. it's easy to say that, to have an academic Christian "this is the appropriate sunday school answer" understanding of such a statement, but so many reject it as a truth when suffering becomes real in their lives. i began to grasp it as the semester drew to a close. it allowed me to release a lot of pain into the hands of My loving Savior. the good He gave me was far more then i deserved. i, by the depravity of my heart deserved only my sufferings, and far more then just those that i went through. while the sting of some things still ripples through me, i can look up and say thanks be to God! He is better then i deserve! when i desire justice, i will remember that He has given grace, rather then justice, and i shall shut my mouth. may my visions of self decrease in this life, so that visions of Christ may be seen by all around me.

Sunday, 27 January 2008

It's amazing what God will show us when we don't expect it. When I was at Josh's funeral last week, one of the men who spoke about Josh pulled out Josh's Bible, and started reading some verses Josh had highlighted and the notes he wrote with them. I was caught by one verse in particular that has stuck with me since that time. It's Ezekiel 22:30, and it reads "And I sought a man amoung them who should build up the wall and stand in the breach before me for the land, that I should not destroy it, but I found none."
In this passage, God is speaking to Ezekial about Isreal's disgusting spiritual state. Even the priests and prophets were not giving Him His rightful praise. It was because of this that God allowed Isreal to be conquered and carried away to captivity in a forign land.
One phrase stood out to me, and I imagine it caught your eye as well. It is something we've all heard at one time or another. "And I sought a man....who should build up the wall and stand in the breach (or gap depending on the version you're reading)". Most of us have heard a sermon preached on the need for Christians to stand in the gap. I sat there wondering, what is that gap? How do we stand in it? I've heard many Bible students talk about standing in that gap who truly could not answer these questions.
These questions have been consistenly in my mind the last week, and I finally decided I needed to address them. As I thought, I found two different trains of thought that provided answers. One line led me towards unbelievers, the other towards our brothers and sisters in Christ.
First, let's look at the answer for the unbelievers. The gap is the fact that they are in need of salvation. They are seperated from Christ by a gulf they cannot span (Luke 16:26). Their works aren't good enought (Ephesians 2:8-9), only the work of Christ is sufficient (1 Peter 1:18-19_
Salvation is a free gift, but how can someone receive what they do not know has been offered? We as Christians are called to share the Gospel with the unsaved, that they might come to know Him as Lord (Matthew 28:19-20). That is how we stand in the gap in regards to the unbeliever. There is a gap in their knowledge and in their lives that Christ longs to fill, but that will not happen unless we who know Him are willing to share!
That leaves the gap of the believer. Some might find the mention of a gap for believers a foriegn concept, but we are human, and find ourselves in need as often as any unbeliever. The question is, what is the gap to stand in for our fellow Christian? It's actually much simpler then you would imagine. Each believer suffers in this world, be it physically, emotionally or spiritually. Think of that in the context that all believers are a body. If one part is suffering, the efficiency of the body on the whole suffers. In today's modern church, so many gloss over the needs of others in favor of having our own met. "We are afraid to lend a hand financially because we may need that money for some unexpected occurence." "It's hard to commit to lending a hand with a project someone else is working on when we have so much work to do, and we're already tired from our own labors." We've all heard or used some varient of those or other excuses to help a brother in need.
Therein lies that gap. There are Christians in need all around us! It could be that you know someone that is need of encouragement. Pass a kind word on to them. Sometimes the smallest gesture makes a world of difference! (Ephesians 4:29)
Maybe you know of someone that had a financial need. There was a time where the brothers and sisters in the faith cared for such needs (Acts 4:32-35). Now we expect someone else to give such help. We can stand in the gap for our brothers and sisters by being willing to give our aid in their physical or spiritual time of need. It's time to stop making excuses. The gaps are out there in plain view. Will you be willing to find one that you can step in?
Originally written January 16th.

So lately, I've got to say that God and I have had some rather intense conversations. I feel a little frustrated. Part of that is my fault. I left a situation at home that was totally unresolved, and I hate leaving things like that. From the outside, I looked like I had everything together. The truth is I was beginging to fall apart. It's a mess, which is my fault, because I tried to make God's will fit into mine. So a couple weeks ago I decided to stop fighting Him like I have the past 6 months, and I followed His will to a new school, away from what I know and where I'm comfortable so that He could continue the work in my life which He began (Phil 1:6). On starting there, I find that I've lost a friend. Josh Ewing, a friend and brother from my days at Word of Life, went home to be with the Lord at the young age of 22. Josh loved Christ, persued His will and was preparing for a life in ministry as a missionary. He was respected by his peers and elders alike as a Godly man. I felt so angry. I felt like God took a good man away from his family, his fiance, and allowed a screw up like me to stay. I broke down the night I heard the news like I never have before. I didn't understand. Why did God allow things to happen like they have recently? What was the point? Why take a faithful servant and leave a train wreck like me behind? I felt like I hit a brick wall, and it was not a good way to start a new school, especially not in the middle of the year, where you are one of the few who doesn't know what's going on. But I have been once again amazed by God's soverignty. He reminded me of Isaiah 55:8. "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways declares the Lord." Then 1 Corinthians 1:25, "For the foolishness of God is wiser then man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength." God brought me to a place where He could remind me of who He is, and I am sad to say that I needed that. In the last few months I had become very focused on myself, MY goals and MY life. I took myself out of God's hands and fought to make my own way. The frustrating thing of it all was that I was so far gone from Him I didn't even know it, and it had to take something major to make me see. He also knew what I needed to hear when I came to this realization (God is so good at knowing our needs when we don't even see them ourselves). In chapel this first week here at school, a speaker talked about having to face his congregation, and speak at a funeral there when a young man from their church had died in an accident. In talking with the family, the man's wife said, I know that God's glory will be done, even in the suffering; I know this will pass. It brought this pastor to Romans 8:18-39. The whole passage talks about the future glory of being with the Lord, and how the suffering of this life isn't worth comparing to that future glory. This present time hurts, but it will pass. There will be another day, where we will find the joy of Christ new in our lives, and we need to keep that in perspective in times of hardship. That was a lesson that i desperately needed to be reminded of. In v.26, we're reminded we aren't alone. God is right there with us. When we don't know what to say to God, when our heart is so torn we don't know what to say any more, He speaks for us in ways we don't understand. He interceeds for us. Then he spoke on verse 28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." God doesn't waste pain. Everything that happens to us is something else God can use to shape us, to bring us to Himself and draw us closer to Him. That hit me like a ton of bricks. It's something I've heard over and over again, and something I told others, but that day, it took on new life for me. The greatest servants of God were creafted in times of hardship (reference the lives of the apostles for proof). The final thing is the last statement of the chapter. Verses 38-39 say that nothing can seperate us from the love of God. He never forgets us, or turns a blind eye to our hurt. He doesn't enjoy the suffering of His children, but sometimes we have to go through the desert of distress before we finally find the road that He intended for us to be on. Sometimes it takes a little pain for us to bond ourselves to Him in the relationship that He desires. I have to admit, I'm still hurting right now, but I'm finding my way out, and I'm finding it by finding my way back to God, and into that relationship established the way it's supposed to be. Please pray for me. I've still got a ways to go before I'm all the way back. But I'm determined. I am in God's will again, and this is the place where i establish myself as the man God intends. May He grant me the strength to stand, and the grace to get back up in those times i fall.

Thursday, 26 April 2007

So life’s been pretty crazy as of late. Thought I would get to this sooner, but life almost never goes according to plan. Well, our plans anyway. So I’ve been running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off, trying to figure out plans for summer, looking at work options, thinking about the future that I don’t understand, looking at new undertakings that terrify me, and I’ve got to say I feel a little lost in it all. At some point I feel like I lost myself and I don’t know where I went. To say the least, I’ve been acting out of character these past few weeks as I tried to wrap my mind around what God seems to be doing in my life. I still don’t really have a clue, but I’m getting more used to that idea all the time. I came across a verse in Proverbs a few days ago. I believe it’s Prov. 28:1. It says (paraphrased) that the righteous go forth as bold as lions. Now I don’t classify myself as righteous in the sense of my actions. However, in the sense of my salvation, and how I stand b4 God, I am righteous. But how and why do the righteous go forth boldly? What gives us the courage and strength to do so, to push through fear, frustration or grief? The Holy Spirit. In these last few weeks, my biggest problem was that I gave up my time with God in favor of wallowing in my own ideas and self-pity. I effectively cut myself off from my power source. I had no contact with the only One who could have truly helped me cope with the fact that I have to stay a little longer at a job I want to leave, and why I feel overwhelmed by my college courses, or how i'm strugling to come up with ideas for a ministry that i want to start among other things. As of last week, I re-established that relationship, and I can’t even begin to communicate the new energy and surge of hope I have. Circumstances haven’t changed, but my attitude and my relationship with God have, and that is more than enough. How about you? Are you connected to the power of Christ, or is your battery running low? I speak from experience when I say you can try to go it alone, but you won’t get far. Maybe you’ve never been connected to begin with. A life with God is truly the sweetest thing you could ever hope to find. If you have never accepted Christ as your Savior, or have questions about it, please leave me a message, and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Hope ya’ll are doing well, and God bless.

Sunday, 18 February 2007

so, first thing's first. for those who want me to try to post some of the music i did with the band, i'm sorry, but that technology is still beyond my grasp. maybe one day i'll figure out how to do it. also, for those who wanted the cd, the public copies are no longer available. we do have the basement recorded sessions, but it's uncut and uncensored, meaning half of it is the band trying to figure out what we were doing with different songs. take heart though. one of the guys and i are looking at some new songs to play around with, including some music by arron schust(sp?):disclaimer: it won't sound the same, or nearly as good. but it will be interesting. anyway, life's been kinda quiet except for that. i'm still waiting for the fire dept. to open up applications for the next recruiting class. i'm hoping it'll at least hold off till next january though. i'm thinking by then i can at least have my a.a. degree. that at least gives me something to build on. my uncle seems to think that as soon as i'm in, i should start working towards becoming an officer. however, i like fire too much to sit in an office all day and hear about the fun ones the guys at the staition get to go play with, so the jury's still out on the whole officer thing. but, that's also getting way ahead of myself. i need to get in the dept. first.
there is another piece of news. i might soon be without occupation. my company is cutting salary and is increasing bad treatment of employees. i wasn't making much as it was, but this is gonna hurt. i'd appreciate prayers as i consider new job opportunities.
on the upside there's plenty of church responsibilities to keep me busy. i'm still working with the youth group, but i'm starting to think about a new gig under that branch. i'm starting to think about the poosibility of setting up a college age group. my church has been without one for awhile, namely cuz i was the only one in college at the time. but now there are several of us, and we're all still going to youth group. i'm starting to feel that not only do the college kids need something more, but i feel that we're a distraction to the younger kids. pray for me as i begin thinking about the possible formation of such a group, and how to get it off the ground. most importantly pray for the Lord's guidence in it.
school has been a little nuts, but only b/c there's been so much busy work. everytime i turn around i feel like there's some new rinky dink assignment. the problem is that most end up being quiet time consuming. the one nice thing about being an insomniac is that it gives me more time awake to get things done. but i'm even pushing my limits there. in other words, i'm plum tuckered out. i'd appreciate prayers for me that i can keep up with the work load, and not crash my grades.
well, that about covers all the interesting things that are goign on right now. i know it's not a complete post, cuz i haven't posted my latest scriptural pondering, but i've got to go write an essay for tomorrow. i'll try to post later this week though to make up for this oversight. God bless ya'll.